The pit bull chapter

“[Love] isn’t urgent, it isn’t stressful, it isn’t about pity.
I don’t think that to love someone else you should have to
abandon yourself.”

I’m not sure why, but I’ve read a lot of books written by female comedians. [Proof here, and here.] It started when I joined a “book club” with my friends, that never amounted us meeting or discussing said books… but, I digress. This genre is typically an easy read, it’s entertaining, witty, and tends to address larger issues of how women are treated and perceived in a male-dominated industry. For my birthday last year, a friend got me Whitney Cummings’ book, I’m Fine …and Other Lies. While I am familiar with Whitney Cummings, I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a fan of her work; I can remember watching a bit of one of her shows or maybe stand-up and thinking she was pretty cool. At any rate, I gave her book a go.

I learned a lot of information about her: from her struggles with codependency, relationship issues, and severe anorexia, to her very personal experiences with different forms of therapy. With each chapter I became more and more surprised with how dysfunctional her life actually was, and how she managed to turn every bit of it into something positive. There was one chapter that really resonated with me: it started out about how she gravitates towards rescuing pit bulls, explaining that they are a misunderstood breed; often a product of poor training or having been taken from their mothers too young. Pit bulls are the most common dog breed found in shelters, and as a result the most frequently euthanized. One day, she came across a year-old blue pit that was only a couple days away from being euthanized and in desperate need of a home. She ended up taking him in and naming him Billy.

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This is how my foster boy insists on sleeping. I can't breathe but it's worth it. Thank you @laadopt for notifying me that he was gonna be euthanized. This velvet seal-pig is pure ❤️#adoptdontshop

A post shared by Whitney Cummings (@whitneycummings) on Dec 15, 2016 at 10:35am PST

Now her game plan wasn’t to keep Billy, as she already had 3 doggos of her own. Her goal was to figure out his triggers, provide some much needed impulse control training, help him heal from the previous abuse he had experienced, and find him a forever home.

Long story short, she got into a… situation with Billy – and through a combination of poor impulse control and razor-sharp teeth – she found herself with half of her ear dangling from her head. [Side note: I highly recommend reading this book to get all the details, because it’s a pretty crazy story.] But the lesson behind this experience is what really stuck with me. Cummings goes on to explain, what she did with Billy is similar to what she does in relationships – getting herself into a bad situation because she underestimated what she was dealing with. All of this stemmed from an innate addiction – to love.

Some examples of how love addiction can manifest in relationships: ignoring red flags and rationalizing unsavory behavior; glorifying a person instead of accepting who they are showing you they are; falling for someone’s potential instead of who they actually are; letting your world get smaller and making the person (or pit bull you’re trying to rescue) become your primary focus.

And here was the kicker…

“I constantly gave points to men for things that should be filed under ‘the least you can do.'”

Let us all take a moment to remember that your significant other does not earn bonus points for things such as (but not limited to): calling you, wanting to spend time with you, not cheating on you, not lying to you, etc. Things that should be considered bare minimum requirements of being in a committed relationship does not warrant praise. Let me repeat: the bare minimum. Does. Not. Warrant. Praise. Let’s hold our significant others to a higher standard and let go of those who don’t live up to that standard. Don’t accept anything less than exactly what you deserve, and especially don’t do so in the name of love.

“It took losing an ear for me to learn to take it slow with people, friends, work relationships, house hunting, hair color decisions, and the animals I bring into my home.” Cummings goes on to remind us to take people at face value instead of projecting our expectations/hopes/dreams onto them. You won’t change someones neurology or value system just by loving them. Love has boundaries, and we shouldn’t lose ourselves for the sake of it. Don’t confuse love with sympathy. And don’t confuse rescuing someone with intimacy.

Thanks for the tip hidden in this gem of a chapter, Whit. < 3

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If you want to know the story behind this photo, order IM FINE…AND OTHER LIES. Link in my bio 🐶

A post shared by Whitney Cummings (@whitneycummings) on Sep 28, 2017 at 9:01am PDT

Now playing: DJ Snake ft. Bipolar Sunshine

We are bringing back #TuneTuesday because this weekend was a total blast,  and though this song was first released in 2015 (and blew up around this time last year), I only just recently got the privilege of watching this video.

If you haven’t seen it yet…. you’re so welcome. This chick is on fire 🍑🍑🍑

How the Cavs broke the NBA in 2017

The switch.

I will be the first to admit it. I lost my faith during the regular season this year. Everyone kept talking about this “switch” the Cavs will flip come playoff time. The “switch” that will allow them to dominate after an okay regular season.  The “switch” that would once again send us to the finals.

I honestly didn’t believe such a “switch” ever existed. I didn’t think after the season we had, that we would even make it out of the Eastern Conference. We have arguably the best player to ever play in the NBA on our team, and if we couldn’t dominate the regular season, we had no chance to make it to the finals again, let alone win. I even bet a pizza on it.

And ladies and gentlemen, I am here to say…

I was wrong.

I was taught at a young age that practice makes permanent. That is to say, maintaining good habits during the practice is oftentimes more important than the practice itself. If you get lazy, that stays with you. There is only an added benefit to practice, so long as it is executed properly. Watching game after game of the Cavs acting lazy and tired on the court all season long, I was understandably worried.

The 80/20 rule.

The Cavs discovered this season that they can operate under the Pareto principle and still dominate in the playoffs. Oh, what’s that? You’ve never heard of the Pareto principle? You may know it as the 80/20 rule:

Some of the most successful people I know live by this principle. In its simplest form, it states that you put 80% of your time in 20% of your work. So, the regular season of the NBA has 82 games. It’s my firm belief that the Cavs (or more likely, just LeBron) realized that it is not vital to try and win all 82 games, and in fact, it is illogical to do so. We went 57-25 last season, compared to the Warriors’ impressive 73-9, and we still came out victorious. This year we were just 51-31, still making it into the playoffs, but earning a second-seed position. LeBron sat out 8 games this year, compared to 6 games last year. By contrast, Steph Curry only sat out 3 games in each of the last two seasons.

The Cavs are 12-1 this post season. They are the first team in the Eastern Conference to reach the finals with one or fewer losses in the playoffs since the 1995-1996 Bulls (and, the Bulls finished 72-10 in their regular season that year).

LeBron figured out how to rig the system in his favor. And, if you think about it, by employing the 80/20 rule, he isn’t really rigging anything, per se. He just figured out a way to get his team to work smarter, not harder. Isn’t that the true American dream?

Will it pay off in a championship again this year? If you had asked me a month and a half ago when we barely beat the Pacers 108-109… I would have said no chance. But now, I’m not so sure.

I guess we’ll find out soon enough… Game 1 of the NBA Finals is June 1st at 9PM. See you all there.

Something important happened this week on a TV show you stopped watching 10 years ago.

Seventeen years ago, a show unlike anything we’ve ever seen in the United States aired, and set an unprecedented standard for reality TV and game shows to follow. That show was Survivor. It put a bunch of real people, who didn’t know each other going in, on an island with nothing but their clothes on their back to fend for food, shelter, and a prize of one million dollars. Throw in a couple challenges (physical, mental, and ones of the critter-eating kind), and a tribal council where cast members vote each other off the island, and people couldn’t get enough. It was like one big social experiment that the public got to watch unfold. And if you were crazy enough to try out, you, too, could be a part of the experiment.

So, 17 years and 34 season later, the show still has a total cult following. I mean, I watched the first few season with my dad when I was a kid but eventually fell off. My dad still watches it to this day. But like any show that has had such a long run, they struggle to remain relevant. They’ve tried to combat this issue in a lot of different ways; bringing back people you love and people you love to hate, introducing hidden advantages to the game, the #blindside hashtag, and even bringing millennials in to the mix in a season called “Millennials vs. Gen X.” I’ll admit, that season did intrigue me. And it was on before new episodes of Criminal Minds, so I’m not ashamed to say I watched most of that season and got caught up in the hype all over again. It was nostalgic for me (and also kind of crazy that people still get so into the game). But, let’s be real — no one is spending the next day at work talking about what crazy thing happened on Survivor that night. They just aren’t anymore.

Until this week’s episode.

I only caught the last 15 minutes, and that’s literally all anyone needed to see of the whole episode. When Jeff Probst basically tells some one, “just bring me your torch,” without needing to vote… you know something just went horribly wrong for that person.

So a bit of background for those of you who stopped watching this show ten years ago… this is Zeke:

He was a contestant on last season’s Millennials vs. Gen X, and was brought back the very next season for Survivor: Game Changers. I liked him in the previous season. He was competitive but not a dick, built some good relationships but still screwed a few people over, and he added a lot of value to the show as one of the ‘nerds.’ One of my favorite parts about that season, was that Zeke even helped this 42-year-old cop from New York come out as gay on the show. I mean, he was a pretty cool guy. It’s no wonder they brought him back the next season.

Fast forward to Wednesday night’s tribal council, and this other guy, Jeff Varner (who I honestly knew nothing about going into this), in a last ditch effort to show others’ deceit within the tribe (and in hopes it would convince people that he wasn’t that bad), outed Zeke as transgender.

This wasn’t something that was scripted. This wasn’t planned. You could tell from how awkward the moment was on screen, that no one saw this coming. This was something that a desperate (probably very hungry) man let fall out of his mouth without even considering the ramifications. Without considering that the people in Zeke’s own life may not know. This was something he said because he didn’t want to be the one voted out and lose his chance at the million dollar prize (for the third time, might I add). This was word vomit in its most malicious form. This was a big eff-up.

The way Jeff Probst handled it was impressive. The way the other contestants handled it was commendable as well. But the person who mattered most in this situation was Zeke. Zeke was speechless at first (understandably so), and this gave the other contestants time to sound off and vehemently denounce everything Varner had just said. It simply was not Varner’s secret to tell, and the cast members made that known. Probst didn’t let him off the hook either, even when Varner immediately tried to back track his comments. It was heart-warming, really, to see Zeke’s teammates come together and support him. It was reassuring that, through this literally life-shattering moment, Zeke did not lash out in anger. Instead, he was calm and composed. It was a moment that was so much bigger than the show, and the symbolic gesture of not even having a vote was exactly what needed to happen.

You have to also consider, the episode was filmed 10 months ago, so CBS, Probst, and Zeke all had time to prepare and make sure they got this right. With as tough a situation as it was, I truly think they did.

No one deserves to be outed like that, but the courage Zeke exemplified by his reaction and by his willingness to start the conversation… it was, and is, inspirational. We need to have more talks like this.

When Bruce Jenner ceased to exist and Caitlyn Jenner rose from the ashes, my father was stunned. Confused, even. He had never even considered that as an option in someone’s life because he had never experienced something like that with anyone–celebrity or not. But he watched an entire season of Survivor with a trans person mixed in the group and didn’t even notice. He didn’t think it was weird, because he simply didn’t know. I’m interested to hear if his view of Zeke has or will change in the future, and this is the dialog that should be started by this. That is the root of the issue when someone makes a decision not to disclose their gender history: we, as humans, need to closely examine how we consciously and subconsciously react to finding out someone is trans. We need to figure out why someone’s personal struggle with gender identity makes us uncomfortable, and how we can make a shift from uncomfortable to understanding.

“On the whole, the world doesn’t treat trans people with much kindness. Even those who aren’t outwardly hateful crinkle their noses at you. When enough people crinkle their noses at you, you begin to think you stink.” –Read the exclusive tell-all, written by Zeke himself.

Above all, major kudos to Zeke, for having a positive response to such an epic fuck up on someone else’s part. You, sir, are a true role model.

12 things that have happened since the Browns’ last win

“That’s Cllllllllllleveland — with 12 L’s — to you.”

Welp. The Browns are 0-12. If you’ve followed them at all these last few seasons decades, this may not come as that great a shock to you. But it is actually really hard to be this bad.

Historically, the Browns have been garbage. That’s just a fact. But every season — though they may be historically losing seasons — there comes a game or two where we should not have won, against a team we should not have beat, but for some reason we pull it out by the skin of our teeth. Going winless is not the norm, even for terrible teams. This year is different. Twelve weeks into the season and it is abundantly clear that we can’t win at all, especially after being outscored 174-67 in the second half so far this season. Is it possible we will go 0-16?

Since 1944, only four teams have gone winless in the NFL for an entire season: the 1960 Dallas Cowboys (0–11–1), the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0–14), the 1982 Baltimore Colts (0–8–1), and most recently, the 2008 Detroit Lions (0–16). So the Browns will be in some good company, if you could call it that.

---

I’d like to take this time to take everyone back to the last time we rejoiced in a win…

The day was December 13, 2015. Our starting quarterback was none other than Mr. Johnny Football. Our opponent: the San Francisco 49ers (who, might I add, are currently an unimpressive 1-10 after week 12). Seems like forever ago, doesn’t it? Here’s 12 things that have happened in the world since the Browns’ last W…

1. Leonardo DiCaprio finally won the Oscar he always deserved.

2. This video, for some reason (unknown to me), became a thing:

3. Pokémon Go happened and I started getting random texts like this:

4. Zika.

5. Ryan Lochte told everyone he was robbed at gunpoint at the Rio Olympics, really he is just drunk and rachet. Rio was not happy.

6. Brangelina divorce, making love questionable for couples everywhere.

7. This lady couldn’t stop laughing over a Chewbacca mask:

8. Brexit.

9. Everyone’s favorite silver-back gorilla, Harambe, was taken far before his time. Reassuringly, at least one person out there writes him in for president (it was probably Biden).

10. Donald Trump becomes president after what seemed like the most painful election in modern history.

Delete your account. https://t.co/Oa92sncRQY

— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) June 9, 2016

11. Cavs win the first franchise championship — this one still brings a tear to my eye.

12. Indians actually go to the World Series and ironically blow a 3-1 lead (I ain’t mad at ya, boys).

And there you have it. A world that keeps truckin’ along, despite the Browns. Well. As they say, I guess there’s always next year… Until then… Thankfully next week is a bye-week.

This was always our year: Part II

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As long as you get blackout drunk every Sunday morning, it's good to be a Cleveland fan in 2016 🍾#windians #cleveland #madeforoctober #Repost @officialclevelandsports with @repostapp ・・・ MOOD

A post shared by miꓘ (@kimbcast) on Sep 27, 2016 at 5:47am PDT

 

Cleveland is on fire (and I say that to include the dumpster fire that is the Browns so far this season, mind you), and there is no stopping us now. The Cavs win the championship for the first time ever and now, with an impressive record of 91-65, the Indians clinch their first division title in nearly a decade?? Is this real life? Hello, October 🙂

As long as you get blackout drunk every Sunday morning before the Browns play, it’s good to be a Cleveland fan in 2016.

More locker room fun at Bottlegate.com.

This was always our year

I was up early this morning.

The streets were quieter than usual, probably due to the fact that most of the town was still sleeping off the previous nights’ celebration. Though it was quiet, there was something different in the air. Something that this city hasn’t felt in 52 years. Victory.

We all wake up this morning as champions. The entire city of Cleveland. For everyone who ever doubted us, for Believeland, for everything else we’ve gone through… we made it. We are all winners today. And damn, does that feel good.

 

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It. Happened. !!!!! #cleveland #mycity #ahhhhhhh

A post shared by miꓘ (@kimbcast) on Jun 20, 2016 at 4:34am PDT

“Put no trust in a brother. Acknowledge no one as a friend.”

AKA in millennial terms: Trust no man. Fear every bitch.

The title quote is what Amenemhat I, the first ruler of the Twelfth Dynasty, said from the grave about being murdered in his sleep. Try and figure that one out. If you missed the Pharaoh: King of Ancient Egypt exhibition that hit the Cleveland Museum of Art between March 13 and June 12, you done fucked up. Tickets were just $15, and with a membership to CMA, the first ticket was free and the next was 50% off. They make it so easy and cheap to get out of the house and learn something. Keep in mind that the actual art museum is still free to attend, too.

“More than 90 percent of the 157 objects on view in the current “Pharaoh” show” came from the British Museum in London. The rest were from Cleveland’s own collection. I didn’t know at the time, but I soon learned from my friend that within the last ten years, Egypt has been trying to crack down on art that was obtained illegally and/or given out as gifts, and as a result working to get a lot of these relics shipped back to Egypt. I wasn’t able to find anything to support this claim, but she also said tighter regulations would mean that certain objects found in the exhibit we went to would not be allowed to leave the country as soon as they return to Britain. Either way, when you visit an exhibit like this, you really never know if you’ll be able to see anything like this again.

These objects were so beautiful and so perplexing. Combined with the fact that everything in the exhibit was thousands and thousands of years old and from an ancient civilization that we know so little about… it was really hard to wrap my mind around what we were actually seeing. So I did what any typical white girl would, and took pictures (for Instagram primarily, and also for later reflection).

[Shabti of Pharaoh Seti I. Dynasty 19, reign of Seti I, c. 1294–1279 BC. Tomb of Seti I, Valley of the Kings, Thebes, Egypt. Blue faience; 22.8 x 9.6 x 9.6 cm. British Museum, EA 22818. © Trustees of the British Museum, London.] — I just liked the color of this dude.

[Three kneeling figures in poses of jubilation, c. 715–332 BC. Late Period. Egypt. Bronze; h. 24.5–30.5 cm. British Museum, EA 11498, EA 11496, EA 11497. © Trustees of the British Museum, London.] — Yes, this is their jubilant pose

[Figure of a squatting baboon, c. 1391-1353 BC, carved during the reign of Amenhotep III in red quartzite.] Fun Fact: this little guy, who so strikingly resembles my cat, Charles Barkley, also visited CMA in an exhibit in 1991-1992.

According to this Beginner’s Guide to Egyptian Art, all of these images, whether statues or relief, were designed to benefit a divine or deceased recipient. They were not meant for public viewing: just to honor or connect with another realm. This may explain why we have such little understanding of the meaning behind most of it, we were never intended to see it in the first place. Even my favorite little baboon is meant to represent a divinity whose identity still has not yet been revealed by scholars. For something we know so little about, their artwork was meticulous and mesmerizing. What these people were capable of 3,000 years ago still baffles me today.

Be sure to check out the upcoming exhibitions at the Cleveland Museum of Art… I promise you will not regret learning a little.

Did I ever tell you guys my grandpa shot hoops with LBJ in 2002?

I finally got a chance to watch Believeland last night, which originally aired prime time Saturday on ESPN. And while I wasn’t a huge fan of some of the people they interviewed for it (I’m looking at you, Windy), I thought it was well put together. It was probably super depressing for anyone who has lived through the heartbreak that is Cleveland sports, but, in all honestly I think it was mostly a learning experience for my generation.

As a 25-year-old female who was born and raised in Cleveland, I never rooted for any other teams. I never saw any relevance in any other teams besides the Browns, the Cavs, and the Tribe. I heard stories from my dad and my grandpa about the painful history in Cleveland sports, and I knew we hadn’t seen a championship since my dad was all but five years old, but it’s hard to put that disappointment in perspective when you haven’t experienced 90% of it first hand.

It’s important to note that I only started actively following Cleveland sports when I was a freshman in college, so around 2009-2010. I worked for my school’s football team so I started paying more attention to the Browns, and learning the differences between NCAA football and the NFL. I began to familiarize myself with players, stats, coaches, and all that–partly because I was around dudes like 75% of the time and that’s all they wanted to talk about, and partly because I found it all so interesting. I like learning new things because I’m a freak, but whatever.

When I look back at my own recollection of monumental moments in Cleveland sports history, there are two major ones that I can remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when it happened. You probably know where I’m going with this. First time being, where I was (Myrtle Beach) and what I was doing (sitting on the couch, trying to get everyone to hush while I listened) when The Decision aired, and where I was (at my old apartment sitting on my roommate’s massive sectional) and what I was doing (eating peanut butter, responding to a twitter message about it) as soon as the SI article was tweeted and LeBron announced he was coming home. The fact that those two moments are so ingrained in my memory, made Believeland a lot more meaningful to someone like me.

In my lifetime, the Indians have been to the World Series twice (and lost), the Cavs went to the finals twice (and lost), and the Browns were the quintessential “Maybe Next Year” team (just as they have always been). Last year when the Cavs made their playoff run, I knew there was no way we would win a championship. But something feels different about this year. Up until last night I had no doubt in my mind that 2016 was our year. No doubt in my mind that we were bringing a championship home. As it stands today, we are 9-0 in the playoffs–sweeping the first two teams–and damn, do we look good out there. This team is fun to watch. They look like they are actually having fun. That’s what’s different about this year… there is no longer these vibes of frustration and disappointment all over the court. I can’t explain it. I just have a feeling.

And then all of a sudden, last night I’m plucked off of my cloud; woken up from my dream state, and reminded that this is what always happens. It gets so close that we can actually see it, touch it, taste it, feel it… And then it’s ripped away from us, in the most painful way possible. The Commissioner’s Trophy was literally in our locker room and it had to be removed. The champagne was popped in the dugout. The drive, the fumble, the move. The shot, the decision, the return. It begs the question, what will this city do if it finally happens? And more importantly, what will we do if it doesn’t?

Cleveland rocks but you gotta admit, it’s a little racist…

I think it’s finally time for me to weigh in on the controversy surrounding Chief Wahoo and the Indians.

Chief Wahoo made his first appearance in the front page of the Plain Dealer in 1932, after the Indians won a big victory. Mind you, Cleveland took on the name “Indians” in 1915, reviving a nickname of its old NL club upon the arrival of this Native American in 1897, so the name has been around longer than this logo. The Chief came to be the red-faced caricature we all know and (maybe) love after a redesign in 1951. Since its creation, hundreds of civil rights groups and similar organizations have fought for the removal of the Indians as a name and Chief Wahoo as a mascot because of the ethnic stereotyping it manifests. And while the team continues to make a conscious effort (at least in recent years) to minimize the use of this logo in favor of other non-discriminatory ones, it still remains the identity of the team.

So now what? It’s no secret that we live in an overly sensitive age. People get offended over the stupidest shit–and with technology and the media, these people can make their opinion known across oceans. I think it’s ridiculous. When did we become so involved in what other people are doing and thinking, and furthermore–when did we all decide that it was appropriate to use Facebook as a platform to share our radical views?

Those two questions were meant to be contradictory because we are fueling our own fire and we don’t even realize it. With the click of a ‘share’ button, we can make our personal racist, sexist, and other various unpopular views known to our thousands of friends and followers with ease. And while that seems great–I mean, that is what America was founded on, right?–we tend to forget that people are out there who don’t want to hear or see those kinds of views. But, instead of unfriending or unfollowing the person in question, today’s finger-fast population can’t just butt out. After all, there’s a computer to hid behind, so why don’t we all just immerse ourselves in other peoples’ business? They really are asking for it, aren’t they?

So, while we have all these opinions and opposing opinions flying around, who’s to say which opinion is better? Who are we to say that a stupid, satirical caricature of an Indian actually marginalizes an entire group of people who probably don’t even watch baseball to begin with? Who the fuck even cares? Just let people live, and let this damn team play with the same damn name and logo they’ve had for, like, the last 80+ years, right?

That’s what I thought until someone sent a picture what they thought was a ‘humorous satire’ of me in a group message the other day. The photo depicted me as a large woman and referred to me as a ‘big bitch.’ It was all in good fun, honestly, and I know this person did not mean anything by it… but it kind of hit me in the gut. Like damn, that’s what you think of when you see me? Okay. If that really bothered me, am I able even to comprehend how a Native American might feel… every single time they look at our team and our logo?

I guess you just have to put it in perspective… and if you’ve never felt marginalized or discriminated against before, you won’t really know how it feels when you put yourself in someone else’s shoes. You may say these activist groups are being too sensitive… but I’m thinking we might be the real problem here.

If Bomani Jones' 'Caucasians' shirt offends you, you're missing the point https://t.co/J3BzpmnfKi pic.twitter.com/7oP6zCtPDu

— FOX Sports (@FOXSports) April 8, 2016